Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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