trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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