I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
