As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Why are your pants in the freezer?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
