well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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