guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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