Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize