well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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