ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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