Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
