considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
