He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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