Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
