why didn't you poke me back
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
