before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
