Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize