your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I lost the right to judge tonight
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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