cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
