shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
