So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
