babies were throwing up all over the place
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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