Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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