is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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