Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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