He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
