At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
you made out with another girl for some wings
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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