I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Randomize
