took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Why is your signature on my underwear?
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
