Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
