It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
