Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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