I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I can text with my tongue
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
