escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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