i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Randomize