So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
