I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I have aggressive nipples.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
