Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize