I'm pants shitting drunk right now
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
