I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Drunk is not a location!
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
