we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
