i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
