i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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