normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
