There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
BRING THE BAGELS
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
