next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
