is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
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