can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
