Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
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