I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
