thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
