I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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