i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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