apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Pants are for mortals
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
