Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
