I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
