dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
