You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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