well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize