I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize