I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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