hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize