OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
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