well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
