So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize