I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
