margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Randomize
