I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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