its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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