..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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