I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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