ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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