Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Damn victory sex feels great
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
