how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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